About Losing a Loved-One


 by Stephanie Nash



(StephÕs Take on a March 2000 Shinzen Young Retreat)


Well on Monday it looked as if GodÕs purpose for this retreat

For me was to heal the grief from my dogÕs death—thatÕs no small feat.

But the retreat turned out to be as much for Leo as for me

Although IÕve learned somewhat to let go & love & let it be.


So many people thanked me for bringing him here to share

To me I just felt gratitude for their abundant love and care.


This dog has been my spirit guide and a teacher sent from above

HeÕs taught me to be open and to give and receive love.

And when I go—I can only hope to do it as well as he

HeÕs one class act – full of graceful peace and nobility.


YouÕd think from this that Leo was the center of this retreat.

But actually thereÕs this other guy named Shinzen and heÕs no geek.

(Although heÕs full of flow charts like the one for his New Technique

thatÕs sooo simple! (then thereÕs the Talk algarythm—not for the mentally weak.)


Of his Thought and Feel experiment, IÕm sure Einstein would be proud

A Lifetime one it is -- that leads toÉ.unknowing the cloud?

--Or something like that, anyway itÕs about using distinction and meditation

To lead us to that Paradoxical World of Liberation.


And for those less technically minded did you follow that law by Ohm?

How Equinimity divided by Resistance tells how weÕll experience the foam.


Why is it so complicated?  I mean what is the fuss?

ItÕs simple:

If you canÕt be discipled—be clever.  And: you need God and god Kneads us.

And, a little logic goes a loooong way—and if not that SEARING HEAT is next.

I personally like the lava lamp—or the 3 jelly fish having sex.


Of the 3 kinds of learning:  clear, groping and you donÕt really knowÉ

where are those 6 directions? or is it really 8? (or are the last 2 just for show?)



And whatÕs it called when the building collapses and the cloud of dust expands out on the road?

IÕm sure thereÕs a Greek word for it—oh yes, I think itÕs Ōcomplode.Õ?

Or did Shinzen make that word up—you know he does that a lot.

You have to watch that guy---or heÕll do a graph for every thought.


On Monday at the word euthanasia—I felt my insides explode.

But in my on-line, Shinzen helped me turn this remnant load

of Grief & guilt into these quadrants—and then into vibration.

And thus my suffering folded over into an ŅafterglowÓ meditation.


Yeah, thatÕs why he gets the big bucks. He knows each and every axis

And most impressive (with borrowed calculator) he even does his own taxes.


He says this practice is about being clear about categories BUT

I think Piti, Sukhi & Passadhi sound to me very much like what

Pleasure IÕd like to be having but then Theosis also sounds cool.

I mean—become a dietyÉ(well, that might be a while for this fool.)



Yesterday I met with Nicola whoÕs so wise, boy, does she know.

She said IÕd lived a hard life and must let my ego go.

Which is definitely on my list of things to do some day.

ItÕs right before enlightenment & after starring in a Broadway play.


So from Flow Chart City comes the eternal Expansion and Contraction,

(And for those of us who are relatively new to this action)

I say, hang in there.  It may seem quite technical & hard to do it,

But harder still is Crisis with no technique to get you through it.


And there are lots of neat & unexpected things, I mean

Hey, a physical and logical miracle is something that IÕve just seen.


Thanks again to everyone for making this retreat so warm

A truly lovely community of meditators did indeed form.

And as we go back into that Ōother worldÓ to work & play

Remember your body sensations, and the things Shinzen would say.



2011  Stephanie Nash – All Rights Reserved